long time no post....

i think it's been over a year or something.

still alive. just decided to take a step back for a while. haven't gone out since late august, i needed to kinda get myself in check. i miss you all tho, very much. so maybe in the next couple months i'll come and say heya.

*big hugs and smooches*
  • Current Music
    amy winehouse~ me and mr.jones

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!.........

a VERY happy birthday to my dearest monsignor!
i am so sorry i am away and missing it (i'm in wenatchee)
next time i see you though- a drinky on me!

~Dream A Little Dream Of Me~
Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you
Birds singing in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger til dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams til sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave our worries behind
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Sweet dreams til sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave our worries behind
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me
  • Current Music
    deano~ dream a little dream of me

awake.........

awake........

mom has been gone over 6 months and my heart hurts just as much as it did.
this weekend will be the first big family event where she won't be there....

there is some sort of noise in me, i can't describe it, other than it's what yelling, screaming, crying, and destroying something with pure rage would sound like...
thats the only way i can even think to begin of putting it.

i think i'm past the numb stage.

now......i'm just so full of something so beyond anger i don't even know what to call it.

i feel like i want to break something, to destroy it, to do this with my hands in some way.

raven,,,,,,,,,

wow, talked to raven.
i haven't talked to him in almost 2 years. i decided to call his last place of employment and try to get ahold of him and it worked.
he said he was so very sorry to hear of my mothers passing when i told him. he said he would call me tomorrow to try to get together.
we'll see if this happends.

i haven't seen him since i was at norwes-con 2 years ago.

he's been my best friend since i was 19.

hold your breath.

*sobs*........

When somebody loved me,
Everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together lives within my heart
And when I was sad,
She was there to dry my tears
And when she was happy,
So was I
When she loved me

Through the summer and the fall
We had each other, that was all
Just she and I together,
Like it was meant to be

And when I was lonely,
She was there to comfort me
And I knew that she loved me

When she loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together lives within my heart

When she loved me

god......

i want my mom back.

i want to lay my head in her lap and have her play with my hair.

i want to look into her blue eyes and have her arms around me and tell me everything will be ok.

i want to hear her laugh.

i want to see her smile.

i want her back.

goddamnit i want her back.........

this is killing me.....

to mom.............

Lay down,
your sweet and weary head.
Night is falling.
You have come to journey’s end.

Sleep now, and dream
of the ones who came before.
They are calling,
from across a distant shore.

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see.
All of your fears will pass away.
Safe in my arms,
you’re only sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
All souls pass.

Hope fades,
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time.

Don’t say,
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling.
You and I will meet again.
And you’ll be here in my arms,
Just sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
Grey ships pass
Into the west.
  • Current Mood
    sad sad

need to get out..........

i need to get out of this house for a little while tonight. everywhere i am in this house is something of my mom's. i think i will try to go to the vogue. i could sure use company if anyone feels up to it.